


Lone Fox

by NilasTheFennec



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Drama, F/M, Feels, Fluff, Hope, Im just using you you know?, More Feels, Nudity, Sadness, Torture, body contact, evtl smut, mentioned soul bond, rejected love, tired of life
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-18
Updated: 2016-02-18
Packaged: 2018-03-18 12:03:30
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 19,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3568922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NilasTheFennec/pseuds/NilasTheFennec
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>5 Years ago Aurian Lavellan, herald of Andraste left the inquisition to find Solas.<br/>But she found another ancient elf. ;D</p>
    </blockquote>





	1. Voices

**Author's Note:**

> 5 Years ago Aurian Lavellan, herald of Andraste left the inquisition to find Solas.  
> But she found another ancient elf. ;D

The day Aurian Lavellan had seen no point in keeping the mask of confidence had been as hollow  
as the one when Solas had left her in that glade. All colors had disappeared and she had tried to cling to the little things  
she had left to fight and care for. When she had spoken to him after that hurtful night, she had told him,  
she would not give up on him so easily.  
  
_"When I said I would take any risk, I meant it!"_  
  
The words of a younger and a much more naive woman.  
That’s how the members of the inquisition had come to know her. Always the strong, always the one who cared most  
and didn’t falter. But this woman was a thing of the past.  
  
Aurian had changed. Slowly, like a shrinking lake which lay in a far too hot summer without rain.  
Her friends had noticed too late that this was more than just a broken heart. All the things she had gone through had strengthen  
her first, but now seemed more like a burden resting heavy on her shoulders. One year after Corypheus had been defeated;  
Dorian had learned through Cole how she really fared with all that had happened. It was him who had approached her with a  
harsh tone in his voice, more scolding out of concern than anger. Aurian still could hear his eloquent voice,  
which had always a reassuring effect on the former dalish. _Former._

  
_Ar lasa mala revas._

  
Words spoken by a soft voice, yet it had burned her inside for many weeks. She recalled them.  
Repeated them by only moving her lips and the pain, still there, yet filled her slow heart with a numb feeling,  
like overwrought skin. She touched her cheek only in her mind, for her limbs had become too heavy these days.  
  
The day she had put down the mask she had carried for too long, Dorian had been the first to know.  
_Sweet, sweet Dorian._ Of all, the tevinter mage had become her closest friend. It was him who had held her on the balustrade,  
when she had her first breakdown. It was him who had listened to her, when she had heard, her clan had been slain.  
That day he had been the first to understand, that Aurian –the joking fox- was slowly fading inside.  
_The look on his face._  
  
It was more than just a broken heart.  
She had lost who she was. Things had lost their importance. She had stopped caring.  
  
No leader should’ve felt this way about his subjects, that’s why she had left the inquisition about 5 years ago.  
Dorian had been itching to stay at her side! To make sure she would not give in to despair and suicide.  
Even though she had told him she had no interest in dying without drawing an answer out of the man who had swallowed a part of herself.  
This had been and was a task she had to face alone; she had told him back then. She needed to find him and it was all she could think about.  
  
At first she had tried to call out to him in her dreams, but most of the approaches were drawn by her own desires.  
The demons had been shaping many different visions for her. Versions that tore her open and burned the rest of  
what was left of her. She had seen sweet things of what might have been. Stupid, silly things and she had woken deep in the  
night because the aching had been too much to bear. _There could’ve been a new life._ For both of them.  
  
Soon she had grown weary of calling out to him, even though something deep inside her had pushed her forward, not to give up.  
Her last bit of hope had guided her to places she recalled were the ones he liked.  
  
_It’s quiet here. I like it._ He had said, when they had entered the swamp in the Exalted Plains.  
She still could recall the calm look on his face, the slight smile on his lips. But her memories were all she had found that day.  
The traces he had left were cold. So she kept on walking.  
  
While the world had been wondering where their hero had been gone to so sudden, she kept on seeking the truth for herself  
unseen and isolated from the eyes of the inquisition. Back to the life she once loved so much, she saw no point in showing  
herself to the world again.  
  
  
She had been the hero! _The herald of Andraste._  
She had been the one who could close the rifts in the sky.  
_All, but my own._ She thought with a bitter taste on her tongue and went on through the deep forest.  
  
The tall trees were once shelter and comfort for her, but now they seemed grey and made of stone.  
Life had become dull and weary. She looked up to the branches and inhaled the cold air of the forest. It cooled her glimmering anguish.  
Wolves were howling in the distance and a part of her loved to answer their calls. She had wandered in so many places she had lost her way.  
She didn’t even care anymore where she was. Old ruins, caves, shrines of Fen’Harel.  
  
And oh, she had known.  
After many words, fight-discussions and moments where Solas had let out a slight hint of truth,  
she had gotten the feeling of who he might’ve been. She had known! But she never had said anything, because she  
had thought he’d tell her himself one day. She had trusted him that much. She had thought, she just had to help and  
care and make people love her, to walk on the save side of life. She had been so blind of love until the Well of Sorrows had  
shown her who he really was and what he had done.  
  
Aurian paused her lax walk and gasped, leaning to the bark of an old tree.  
She was tired, but she didn’t dare to lie down and sleep. There was no rest in her sleep, only pain and luring lies.  
In fact she had not slept in days. Soon, she knew, her mind would play her tricks again. She’d see things that were not real,  
for she was one foot in the fade and one in the waking world. It was only a matter of time, until she finally would lose her  
mind and step into a danger she could not face in this condition. If it would happen, then it should happen fast.  
She couldn’t care less …

And yet one little spark kept on singing of hope.

  
  
_What if he was waiting for her?_  
_What if Lelliana had been wrong about him?_  
_What if?_

 

She had to find him! And then she smelled the biting smell of smoke in the air.  
She raised her gaze again and listened to the wind if it would carry noises untypical in a forest to her ears. It did.  
Still she hesitated, her desperation holding her limbs and making her too heavy to move.

 

_Go on._

 

The wells voices whispered to her in the corner of her inner self and she began to move toward the noises.  
The elven huntress knew how to move fast and quiet, unseen in the darkness of the night. She drew her bow and held three arrows  
between her fingers*. An old archers technique to be able to fight even in closed combat. Aurian had mastered it in the years of war  
and the time past it. Solas had been impressed back then. He had known the technique and thought it had died out, lost to time.

Soon the noises echoed between the trees and evolved into male voices. Laughter and words, spoken in a harsh tongue she could not  
understand but knew their sound. Hidden between huge rocks, near a brook was their camp.

Aurian cowered above to scout around the stone, holding her weapon ready to attack if needed. Her sharp eyes revealed to her  
a group of Venatory, sitting around the campfire, drinking and eating. Another daring look and she could see they had company.  
  
In this moment the wind turned and blew a smell of burned flesh and blood towards her.  
They recently have had fun with their slaves, she thought. Still she didn’t care …  
This wasn’t her task anymore. Not her concern. 

The elven woman was about to turn around and leave the camp behind, but then one of the men by the fire stood,  
holding a fiery iron bar in his hand and walked toward a figure tucked in the shadows.

A hissing noise of melting flesh followed by a loud, anguished scream and elven curses.  
She drew in a sharp breath, as her heart skipped and jolted. She knew that voice! She had heard it before, years ago.  
Yet she remembered it as if it had been yesterday! _Could it be?_

 

She clung her arrows between her fingers tighter as the Venatory drew back, only to burn his victim again.  
The crying voice died with the sizzling sound and the next thing one could hear was a whistle in the air and the dull  
sound of a collapsing body. Alarmed, the other Venatory stood too, as they watched their companion drop dead  
on the ground, the glowing iron bar still in his fist. They hurled around, looking for the attacker with drawn weapons.

That’s when Aurian showed nothing more of her than a dark cloak, jumping out of the shadows, while firing another arrow.  
It tore the throat of another _shemlen_ wide open, spilling blood on the forest ground.  
She could hear the sound of another voice, whining and frightened. Were there other slaves she didn’t see yet?  
She didn’t care.

The last standing Venatory held his sword high and shouted, hoping to intimidate his unrevealed and sudden attacker.  
It failed. Aurian didn’t play, she didn’t falter and she didn’t show mercy as she rushed toward the overwhelmed man,  
to ram her last arrow from the bottom of his nose up to his skull. He froze, shivered, didn’t move.

No sound escaped his throat as she viciously pulled her arrow down again and out of his skull. His arm relaxed,  
his weapon dropped to the ground. The man still stood a few moments until his body lost it’s control, he had died while standing.

She turned away, her heart pounding like the hooves of a galloping hart and looked for the poor,  
old soul she feared to have heard. A noise of a gasping shock drew from her, as she rushed forward to the ground left to the campfire.  
Nearly completely naked, tied up in leather strings around arms and legs and covered in his own blood and fresh,  
deep and still stinking burnings, the ancient being laid still in the grass, unconscious.

 

 _How dare they?!_

 

The strange feeling of rage crawled over her aching heart, as she placed a hand on Abelas forehead.  
He was burning. In this light she couldn’t yet say how long he had been in this condition, or how deep his wounds were  
but they looked infected. How did those scumbags even manage to catch him? She cut him loose and a small,  
huffed moan escaped from his throat, as she placed his limbs more pleasant next to his flayed body.

She felt his pulse, it was slowing down. He was fading and soon he’d be part of Mythal. But then, an idea crossed her mind.  
  
He was like _him_.  
He _knew_ him.  
He could know where Solas might be or how she could find him! He could tell her, what the whispers of the well refused to tell her!  
Creators forgive her, but this was the biggest reason, why she would even try to nurse him back to health.

 

“A dalish?” she heard a shivering and coarse voice from behind.  
She turned her gaze over her shoulder, her dagger still in her hands to defend herself. The word tore on a situaition she had 3 years ago.  
She had met another clan and was about to greet them, share stories like in old times before she had been send to the conclave.  
But she had forgotten Solas had _set her free._  
  
She had been chased away, called _flatear._  
  
She didn’t stand and looked over the small figure which came toward her.  
“Stop.”, the sound of her own voice made her uneasy. She hadn’t spoken to someone in quite a time.  
Before her stood an elven girl with wild, dark hair and silver eyes and she was standing still on the spot,  
after Aurians warning. Shivering. Scared.  
  
“A-are you dalish?” she asked again.  
  
Aurian didn’t answer and turned around again, she hadn’t the time.  
She had to act or Abelas would die. She shoved her hand in one on her bum bags to uncork a flask of  
Royal Elfroot serum and lifted the head of the ancient elf to carefully run the liquid down his throat.  
  
For a while she feared her efforts were too late, but as soon as she gave him the potion his swallowing reflexes were active.  
He coughed as the bitter taste ran down his gullet and he slightly moved.  
  
Aurian bent over him as his eyes began to flicker for a short time. He looked up to her, or she thought he did, because he  
drifted away again shortly after. The fear he might slip out of her hands let her heart go and she sighed relieved.  
He wasn’t going to die for now, but if she didn’t care for his wounds, he surely would.


	2. Warming

 

It had taken some time for Aurian to carry Abelas away from the Venatory camp, but she had some help with that.  
The elven girl named Hanva, she also had freed from the Venatory had decided –against her wishes- to stay at her side.  
She hadn’t been a burden after all and knew how to assist Aurian with crafting a carrying. Hanva had told her,  
they had ambushed her friend a week ago after a fight with a great bear. _Cowards._ They even had sold his belongings. _Pity._  
  
Aurian had frowned when she thought about how he would’ve reacted to this. His armor had been a part of him for so long.  
They managed to find shelter under a ledge, where Aurian didn’t lose time with bedding Abelas on her cloak and a blanket they  
found at the venatory camp, while Hanva lit a small campfire. There she began right away with cleaning his wounds.  
They were deep, dirty and infected. Hanva sat next to her, to hand her the items she would need next  
and made a concerned look on her face, as she watched her mindful.

“Is … Is he going to die?” the young one asked in a whispered tone.

“No.” Aurian answered quietly and poured a mixture of hot water and Elfroot over his bruised flesh. He groaned in his state,  
when the hot substance ran over and in his open gaps of his body to rinse it. She couldn’t say if he was aware of what happened.  
He truly was in a bad condition.

“When they caught him … “, Hanva started to talk again. “He didn’t respond to anything the masters –“

Aurian glared at her with empty eyes.  
“Don’t call them that.” She cut her short with a sharp tone in her voice. Hanva winced and looked at her with big eyes.

“Yes. Sorry!” She didn’t mean to frighten the girl. Aurian understood that she must’ve been through a lot of shit too.  
  
She looked at her again a little gentler.  
“Now, what were you saying?” she elder elf didn’t turn her gaze from Abelas body.

“He seemed different, somehow … “.The girl looked for the right words. “His markings look dalish?”  
She pointed out to his dark vallaslin all over his body.

“He isn’t.” Aurian answered her careful question.

“Do you know him?”

“Yes.” She began to press fresh herbs in her hands and chewed them into a bitter paste. The sharp aroma crawled up to her  
nose and her sinuses and left her eyes teary.

“Is he your- “

“No!” The answer was cutting like steel and she clenched her jaw, not looking into the girls face.  
She didn’t even want to hear the full question. The pain tore at her again and the caught a glimpse of the one who was once hers in her mind.  
Hanva, clearly cowed by Aurians sudden response, now just sat there and watched her, while she put the healing paste on his wounds  
and started to bandage him. As soon, as she tried to move his body a bit to guide the bandage under his back,  
he quietly began to whine in his sleep. Every move must’ve been so painful.

He lifted his arms moaning, in manner to push that someone away who touched him and disturbed his sleep.

_“Shh.”_

Aurian took his hand in an easy way aside and wrapped the bandages as fast, careful and loosen enough as  
possible around his stature, so he would have no problems with the pressure on his wounds.  
When she was finished, she placed a cool hand on his burning face to calm him and she narrowed her eyes in a tired way.  
She remembered the day they had met. His proud, eagle-like eyes, his harsh words.

 _You are not my people._ He had said to her and she recalled the little sting in her guts. He seemed so fragile now…

“You didn’t tell me your name. “ Hanva’s little voice lured her back into the now. She moved away from him and looked at her.

“Aurian.”

Hanva’s mouth dropped open.  
Of course she had heard of the famous Aurian Lavellan, the elf who fell out of the sky, to defeat the elder one.  
After 5 years her name must’ve carried around thedas. Some moments passed until Hanva found her voice again.

“You are-?!”

“Please …” Her voice only a whisper, she lifted a hand in a slight gesture to calm her down.  
She wouldn’t want to hear any of it and she didn’t want her to ask questions about anything that had happened.  
Everything still reminded her of …

She shook her head and sighed. She was so tired of all and the young elven girl seemed to understand.  
Her young and curious eyes just lay upon her feature, as she began to wet a piece of tissue with water and dabbed  
Abelas sweaty and burning forehead.

“You should get some rest. “ She spoke. “Tomorrow we shall discuss what to do with you.”

It sounded more like a judgement than she intended, but Hanva didn’t complain. Aurian couldn’t let her come along,  
even if she wanted her to. Where she would go, a young girl shouldn’t follow, she said to herself and had already  
decided to send her on her way. Maybe it had been a mistake to let the girl even have contact with her, but now she  
couldn’t change it anymore.

She run her fingers through her long, red hair and tugged it behind her pointed ear.  
Her eyes still lingered on Abelas strained face and she thought about how she could convince him to help her look for Solas,  
once he was at full consciousness again. She had saved his live, but would it be enough reason for him to even consider it?

The whispers of the well had clearly wanted her to find him, when they spoke the order to _go on_.  
  
Even though she didn’t know why, Mythal had a plan for her and she knew she had to try anything to reach her goal.  
Whatever the cost.

When Hanva woke the next day, the morning choir already had quiet down and Aurian was still sitting next to her patient.  
She hadn’t slept and eyed him with an empty expression on her face, like she was in some kind of trance.

She made it a quick goodbye. While explaining it would be more dangerous in her company than alone,  
she handed her out a Dagger of her own and enough supplies so she wouldn’t starve in the wilds.  
The girl pouted at her, she ignored it. All she could add was advice to stay hidden in these parts and she trusted  
the girl to be smart enough to stay out of trouble. She could survive it, Aurian was sure about it.

As soon as Hanva was gone she returned to her inner silence and settled next to Abelas again.  
He had been uneasy the last hours until the night stretched its cloak around thedas, fighting with his aching body  
and feverish dreams. She wondered what kind of demons must haunt him by now, for he murmured elven words  
between quiet gasps and sounds of pain.  
  
When she tried to change the bandages to examine his wounds, she realized his body temperature was turning cold.  
Too cold. He started to shiver under the frigid wind of the night and despite the blankets and the fur he rested on,  
his body seemed to fail making its own warmth. Aurian cursed in elven tongue. What could she do?  
Desperate she tried to think of anything what might save him and called out to the voices they both were bound to.

 

_Warm him._

 

The whispers only an echo in her mind and she felt her heart sunk heavy under the thought.  
If she didn’t do anything to keep him warm overnight, he’d freeze to death. Aurian drew in a sharp breath and  
exhaled in a long sigh, before she started to get rid of the leather armor and undressed herself until she sat there in only her smalls.  
The last time she had been that close to another body she had been with Solas. Only he had known the feeling of her body  
next to his skin and regret grew like an icy film in her mind.

 

_Ir abelas, ma vhenan._

 

Quickly she crawled under the blankets and ignored the fear of falling asleep, when she would lie down and relax.  
His skin as cold as ice, he winced under the sudden contact and she carefully placed her arm on his chest avoiding to  
touch his wounds. She could feel his shivers, his trembling limbs, his slow heartbeat.  
  
He huffed as her warmth slowly spread under the blankets and she could see his frown fading.  
She felt uneasy at his side and a sudden tilt of his head toward her face made her heart skip a moment in shame and excitement.  
He was attractive after all, she had to admit. He was drawn to the warm source her own body was giving to him and he made attends  
to move closer to her, though his body was still too weak. Were it not for his wounds he would’ve turned to her most likely.  
  
The image flickered up in her mind and she shoved it aside as soon as it appeared. Still, even if she had objections, she let slip her leg over  
his and if it weren’t hard enough for her, he let out a relaxed sigh. Aurian felt her flushed cheeks and pumping heart and she tried  
not to move again. This was only to warm his body, until he was able to do it on his own.  
  
The smell of the herbs, his sweat and the slight huffs of breath on her skin, she tried not to drift away, though it was somehow relaxing.  
Now she remembered how much she was missing her friends, who had been always so happy with her hugging them.  
She missed all of them. She didn’t realize the small smile on her lips as rested her head on Abelas shoulder.  
  
Aurian could feel the fade calling out to her, but she dared not to give in. She’d dream of him and rather stayed in the  
land of the living and tried to keep her mind buisy to fight the urge to sleep.

She lifted her gaze toward his face again to examine his profile. His face was more edged than Solas’, but still had the fine  
features of an ancient elf. Back then at the temple of Mythal she had only seen his long nose and round chin.

Her gaze traced the vallaslin on his cheekbones to his fine, thin ears.  
Piercings adorned his lope up to his shell and she was relieved the venatory hadn’t ripped them apart.  
Abelas had an undercut with long, white and braided hair. A little smirk sneaked over her lips, as she played with the  
thought to touch it, but as he inhaled rather rapidly she froze.  
  
He parted his lips and a silent moan escaped him.  
She swallowed and lifted her head the moment his eyes flickered open. She wanted to part from him,  
but then his golden eyes met the calm ocean of her own. Time stood as their gazes met and locked.

She dared not to move an inch and they kept staring for a moment, until he closed his eyes again deeply falling asleep again under  
steady breathing. Did he just wake? Did he realize what happened?  
  
For a moment she had the slight feeling to have seen the spark of awareness in his glance.  
She thanked Mythal, her treatment seemed to help him after all. Good thing she had found Royal Elfroot some days ago.  
When she was sure he actually had slipped into sleep, Aurian found her breath again which had been stuck in her lungs.  
  
It took her a while until she could relax and rest her head next to his again.  
She was exhausted. Her body was weary and her mind was screaming at her, begging for rest.  
Maybe if she just closed her eyes for a moment…

_Just a little moment …_


	3. Blue

He had accepted to drift into Mythals arms so many thousand years ago, no matter how he would’ve fallen.  
He had seen so many deaths, so much sadness and pain in his long lifespan like a river carrying long forgotten souls.  
No wound, neither the claws of the bear nor the poisoned arrow in his neck afterwards could’ve compared to this.  
He had taken any pain the shems had caused him over the days, without whining and any begging word for mercy.  
He just had sat there with his firm, preying eyes upon his captors and his burning hatred as they had taken his steel away.  
But he had not moved any inch.

He hadn’t spoken one word to the creatures who had thought to have any power over him or his spirit.  
Not even as they had begun to pour their stinking spirits over his fresh wounds. He had endured it and he rather had  
died than to give them their pleasure. Like a stone he had waited for more, waited for his body to finally fail until it  
had been no use for the shems.  
  
The poison had run like fire through his veins and any heartbeat had felt like thousand needles.  
It had infected his mind so his eyes had lost their ability to see sharp. He had felt himself slip away into darkness,  
though the hot iron, the agony had hauled a part of him back. In the end they had gotten what they wanted.  
He had screamed. His voice had been coarse, not being able to stand the suffering. Anger and frustration had mixed with  
the last bit of pride within his heart. This had been the last test, the last hurdle to prove his superiority over the arrogant  
humans who had invaded the lands he had wandered for too long, even in this situation.  
  
Abelas had expected the last punch. The last intend to maltreat him and push him over the edge …  
But it never came. Instead something had come for them. He had felt it with his last bit of consciousness  
how their life had been taken away. Something sinister and graceful shrouded in shadows and backed by the firelight  
had been the last thing he had seen until darkness had fallen upon him.  
  
He had been prepared to fall …  
To pay the ultimate price. He had accepted it and as he had sunk into sorrows however he had seen one light,  
one spark in the most profound corner of the wells vortex which had been his fate – fading and of need.  
Soft words had lured him back. A prayer? It hadn’t been his time yet, though illness and nightmares had been  
between him and life like a broad and sinister gorge. Then he had felt in the distance - a shining and dying star reaching  
out to him with pleasant cool hands.  
  
There on the edge of fading and waking, fighting with his pain, he had opened his eyes, not sure If he had been awake or no,  
he had seen – he thought he had seen - someone watching over him.  
  
_Blue eyes …_  
Like a warm and deep ocean rocking him gently and washing the pain away, purifying his body …  
  
Abelas eyes were still heavy as they flickered open to see a roof of earth and stone. The sun was shining through the  
branches of the forest and the wind cooled his flushed cheeks. He moaned as he felt his strained limbs and the tearing wounds,  
his dry mouth. The smell of herbs like a delight in his nose and there was something else.  
  
Slowly he lilted his head and he stopped short. What he found was long, red hair falling over tan shoulders and framed soft features.  
His eyes lingered on her face with sunken cheeks. He knew the woman next to him.  
  
While he tried to remember where he had seen her before, she lifted her gaze toward him.  
As their eyes met, he caught a picture in his mind.  
  
A young elven woman with a red ponypail, blue vallaslin on her cheekbones, shining like lightened rivers in a red desert, a  
nd bright eyes, like the sky. But now her cheeky smile was gone, her eyes had lost their spark she had held so dear once  
and her hair had grown long. And her markings … Disappeared? How could that be?

“You … ?” He whispered, trying to ask her what happened.  
How he got here, what she was doing and how she dared to be that close to him.  
A small outrage rose in him, but his voice was hoarse and he could feel his strained, burning throat.  
He swallowed and grimaced a bit. His body was still too weak, too sick for him to move and bring distance between them.  
  
He could feel her smooth skin on his own as she moved and sat up. Slowly she placed a gentle hand on his forehead.  
He wanted to stop her but his limbs failed him.  
  
“It’s all right.” She spoke softly and moved away from him, her voice gentle like a breeze.  
He could see her delicate curves, her brown skin covered in some little scars here and there. All in one she was a beauty  
in her own way and the last time he had been with a woman … It had been a long while.  
  
Still, in his age he was able to push the the excitements of a woman’s flesh aside so that her sight left him cold.  
  
“Your body was failing to create enough warmth.” she explained to him and reached out for her clothes.  
“I had to warm you or you would’ve died last night.”  
  
_So it had been her._  
  
Suddenly he remembered.  
The bear, the shemlen, his belongings.  
  
_His Armor!_  
  
All the pain, shame and humiliation of the past week run him over like a waterfall.  
Abelas tried to sit up, but the sharp pain of his stretched and bruised skin forced him otherwise.  
He yelped and jolted, only to have a shadow of red over him. Pleasant cool hands in his neck held him up,  
supporting him, long red hair tingling his shoulders.  
  
Panting he looked up to her, trying to relax and stay calm, though he could feel his heart make a little jump.  
He knew all he could do was accept his momentary condition, not being able to care for himself.  
He had to accept _her_ care.  
  
As she held a bowl of water up to his lips, he realized how thirsty he was and greedily he annexed  
every drop of liquid, coughing afterwards. The fever was still strong.  
_Mythal_ what poison had lingered in his body?  
  
It didn’t take long until his eyes closed again and his mind sunk into a dreamless and pleasant sleep.  
The times he woke, he found her sitting on the same spot again and over again. She never moved an inch from his side,  
except for the moments when she gathered water from the brook near the camp or when she  
changed his bandages to treat his wounds. Thanks to her treatment he found his strength return to him with each passing day  
and even if his wounds were still uncomfortable in his movement three days later, he enjoyed  
witnessing every little progress his body was doing.  
  
Even though his head was overwrought with a sharp pain once he sat up, he could stand it for a few  
moments to reach out for food or water. Despise what his caretaker thought about it, he had to move once in a while.  
Boredom was one of his secret enemies.  
  
“No, no. Let me get it for you.” She said to him as she saw him move too exaggerated in his condition.  
  
Sighing he twisted his mouth to a thin line like he always did when she was fuzzing all over him and lay down.  
While she got the ointment for him she had made out of herbs, he tried to get comfortable.  
They exchanged idle and a bit shy looks, while she lifted the blankets to see how his wounds fared.  
The soft touches of her nimble hands had lost the sensation of their unfamiliarity over time and he now  
just followed them with his eyes. He could feel the muscles beneath twitch as she got near some certain  
spots and hissed, grabbing her wrist.  
  
Alarmed she stopped in her movement and first looked at his hand, then to him.  
  
“That tickles …” he explained with half a smile, she didn’t return.  
  
Instead she started to rub the ointment in careful circles over his scars, once he let her hand go again.  
He watched her and wondered. She had done many things to make him feel better. She had spilled blood for him,  
given her protection and concern, even the warmth of her own body – even though she seemed not to have  
enough strength for her own welfare.  
  
He looked into her eyes and saw a depth he could not place. It felt like there was missing something inside,  
like waters that forgot how to reflect the sun. Abelas slightly tilted his head, still looking at her.  
  
“Why are you doing this?”  
“You’re welcome.” She answered with a pertly expression, but with an emotionless tone.  
  
He frowned. Even if she had saved his life, he knew there had to be more to it.  
He was too old, too experienced with her mortal kind to believe she was doing this only for him.  
  
_She’s ripped in half._  
  
True. He had seen the symptoms some times before.  
Once elvhen had lost something, someone dear – bound to them in some way – a part of them would be lost as well.  
This burden was like a dark cloud, a shadow hovering over the one who had been left behind.  
Too heavy for a soul to bear in life and eventually death would come, unless they found what they had lost.  
And the urge to find it again was stronger than anything they had wanted and needed before.  
They’d do anything to get it back, if they didn’t they’d wither and die.  
  
Even though he didn’t understand why _she_ – a mortal- was in this situation, he knew she would lose a little  
bit more of what was left of her to despair soon. He wasn’t even sure how she could still fight and helping him  
wasn’t helping her condition at all. It was sucking on her life force.  
  
Abelas pushed himself up a bit, as far as he could.  
“Are you that ignorant to think you can fool me, shem?” his voice was a little scolding. “Do you think I can’t see your struggle?”  
  
That’s when he saw the hint of a sting in her eyes and he lay down again.  
Even if he hurt her, he didn’t stop.  
“I see it in your eyes that there’s something you lost. So tell me, what do you think you could gain for helping me?”  
  
She did not answer at first and looked at him in surprise with her weary eyes.  
“I need you.” She stated and the meaning of her words left him speechless. Even though her words couldn’t  
have been colder and he knew she meant something else, a part of his inner self was pulsing silently.  
“I need you to get healthy again.”


	4. Rain

Aurian watched him often these days while he slept. She recalled him saying a few years before they’d  
most likely not meet ever again. And yet here he was under her care. She wondered what had kept him from keeping his promise.  
Why had he still wandered in these parts of Thedas alone when the venatory slavers had found him?  
She didn’t think he’d tell her if she just would ask him and honestly she didn’t want to either.  
Abelas gaze made her uneasy every time they spoke, like being watched by a higher predator.  
Whenever their eyes met, she could not stand it.  
  
He always seemed to catch her glance to read every dark secret she wanted to stay buried deep within her soul.  
Surely he sought answers, even if their connection to the well of sorrows already had delivered them to him.  
Was he expecting her to be honest with him only because of what he was?  
She couldn’t do that, even if she wanted to.  
  
Aurians eyes narrowed. Those ancient elves and their expectations of the people who now ruled and lived in  
every corner of the world… For how many generations had they lingered in the shadows behind the back of  
those who had needed them most?  
  
The dalish – her people – had struggled in desperation, while the elves of ancient times did nothing to help them.  
She still felt the little sting when she remembered Abelas words. Solas words!  
They had abandoned her people, who wasted precious lives for many decades in attempt to recover what was lost.  
The ancient ones knew and still they didn’t care. So why should she waste her respect for them? Angers embers were  
burning now in her chest, when she thought about it.  


Her eyes turned to the campfire again without blinking. The strain of the sudden light burned deep into her eyeballs until  
tears were watering her lids. A pain she’d rather take than falling asleep again.

  
They were all the same. Solas and Abelas were both of those arrogant fools who lived in the past complaining and she  
wanted so badly to hate them for it. Were her heart and spirit knotted differently she’d be able to so, but now all she could  
feel was this tearing gab inside her and she knew she had not the strength to hate them. She was so thirsty.  
She hungered for his gentle voice, his soft hands on her cheek.  
  
She closed her eyes and pictured him in the roundel, where his old office lay.  
Aurian could still smell the fresh paint on the walls, hear the croaking ravens above. There with both hands on  
the desk he stood, his back facing her once she used to visit him.  
  
Aurian felt her heart beating in a low agony but still she could not stop herself from diving into this vision of him.  
That’s why she had chosen this cruel quest, hadn’t she? To see his face and look into his crimson eyes again. _Just once …_

  
In her mind he turned to her with his slight and welcoming smile, like he had known all along of her presence.  
Her eyes burned and she drew a trembling breath, trying to still the pain in her heavy chest. She pictured herself  
reaching out to him and tried to remember how it felt like, feeling his warmth on her skin.  
He was still so close, still there, holding her heart high, until calm words spoken  
by a firm and rough voice drew her back into the now.

She could see and feel how the image of her love drifted away from her and disappeared into the void of her memories.  
Slowly she opened her eyes and turned her head toward the shelters shadows next to her …  
  
~~~~~~~~  
Abelas had noticed with each passing day of his recovery that he never saw her sleep or lie down.  
He realized she was avoiding it. Like this night, he had failed to drift away into the fade so soon and found her sitting  
by the campfire once he turned to look at her. The flames light turned the color of her skin golden.  
  
He carefully pressed his body up, so he could sit and looked at her. Something about her was uncertain,  
now that he had seen and tried to read her sorrowful mood. Unnoticed Abelas watched her for several  
moments and suddenly an image of her when they first met came to his mind.  
  
_Her smile …_  
  
There had been righteousness in her smile he had noticed back then at the temple of Mythal.  
So young and full of confidence, shining bright like the sun, calming. It had affected him years ago  
and he was sure, if he’d see it now he’d forget his own sorrows for a moment. Somehow he pitied its  
disappearance and while his eyes stayed on her features he tried to imagine her smiling at him in that fashion once more.  
  
It had been more than 2 weeks now since she’d rescued him from the shemlen and he still recalled  
how she did all she could to nurse him back to his feet. He still could feel her smooth skin, smell the scent of  
her hair and see those deep eyes. Without her he’d be dead for sure and though this had been what he had wanted  
at first, he still was grateful she had been near this night. He frowned as he realized that certain growing sympathy inside him.  
Did he just pity her for walking on such a fateful path? Or was it because she was like him in some way?

A mortal could hardly be like his people. She was mortal and not even of magical talent! So, how could she be like the  
elvhen of ancient times? But then, slowly, his gaze turned to her marked hand and he wondered if this  
power had changed her somehow. If so, maybe he was wrong and she actually could be similar to his people.  
After all, she had been infected by the Elgardin’An, but this was an unpleasant thought he’d rather not wanted to be true.  
  
He could see her how she’d fare in a year. He had seen elvhen die from a broken spirit before. He had seen so much pain  
in their last moments that he had wished to witness this sickness in a person never again.  
Her hair would turn white and her body would fail, growing old in the shortest time. And her spirit would return into the fade,  
not manifesting in her memory. It’d be as if she never had existed. Abelas felt sorry for her.  
  
In her condition she shouldn’t demand more of her body than the sickness already took from it.  
  
“You should give your mind some rest.” His dark voice came sudden as he spoke and disturbed the silence  
in which she found herself. He didn’t know why he was saying this. They didn’t speak often.  
Slowly she turned her gaze to him, as if she didn’t hear him first or had been in a trance. He could see her  
searching for him in the darkness with glittering eyes. Were those tears?  
  
“I would find no peace in the fade.” She answered silently and turned to the fire again.  
  
Abelas tilted his head and wondered.  
Except for the mark of power she had no magical abilities, he knew that much.  
“Are you being haunted in your dreams?” he asked. “Or are you simply afraid of them?”  
  
“ _Simply._ ” She repeated bitter and slightly spiteful. “My dreams are none of your concern.”  
Abelas frowned as much as his headache let him use his muscles. If her manners hit him, he didn’t show it  
and paused for a moment before continuing.

“What are you afraid to see?” this time his voice was more firm than before. “Something you lost and could not keep?”  
  
That’s when he felt the full weight of her gazes on him. He could see she was clenching her jaw, if in anger  
or trying to maintain her facade, he could not say, but he knew he hit a sore spot. He expected her to walk off,  
wrapping herself in her depression, most likely. He had seen this kind of behavior before. She seriously had the intention to.  
  
But she stayed and looked at him, with her sad eyes.  
“Someone. Yes.” She whispered in a shy manner and narrowed her head. His heart skipped a beat when she actually answered him.  
“I see him in my sleep … “  
  
“Who?”  
“Fen’Harel.” She answered bitter suggestively eying him, like she spat the name.  
Abelas sat there in surprise with a dropped open mouth, not able to find the right words.  
He burrowed deep in his memories, trying to picture a face. Could it be that she knew who he was?  
  
Back then she seemed not to realize with whom she traveled. He had seen them together out of his hiding spot,  
while he and his sentinel companions watched the inquisition exploring the temple of Mythal.  
They had seemed _close_. Like friends or more. He remembered her poking a bald elf with her jokes  
like a playful, young fox. Abelas drew some air, but before he could response she went on.  
  
“He took something from me.” Her voice was as hallow as her eyes. “And I seek to get it back.”  


~~~~~~~

His female companion –Aurian was her name? He had never asked, he had suddenly remembered one day-  
had been away all morning. He first sat there not feeling any pain and wondered if he was still in need of most of her care.  
He first stretched his neck and checked if anyone was around and then wasted not a second.  
He threw the blankets aside and skeptical eyed his bandages before slowly and carefully shifting his weight.  
He felt his stretching scars and paused for a moment.  
  
He wouldn’t want them to tear open again so he rather leaned his body to the side, putting his hands to the ground  
to lever himself until he was on all fours. He slightly panted. So far so good.  
Now all he had to do was to use his legs. He kneeled upright supporting himself at the stone wall and lifted  
one foot at a time. Satisfying he could feel the strain in his muscles and it made him more eager to try  
and push himself further to stand.  
  
One last effort and he stood. Panting, his heart pounding, his legs still were shaky, but he stood.  
Relief drew a smile on his lips.  
  
“Well?”  
  
The sudden tone of her voice startled him, his heart skipped and all the concentration he needed to stay on his  
feet left his body. His legs wobbled and helplessly wide eyed he dropped back on his bottom like a 5-year old.  
  
They blinked at each other and the sight of her face hidden up to her nose, behind some clothes she held made  
his cheeks burn. He even could hear a silent snort coming from her. Embarrassed he looked away.  
  
“There!” he could hear her again as she threw the clothes in his lab. Surprised he looked up to her again  
and examined the fabrics. The shirt and pants didn’t look human for what he was thankful, but it was outworn  
and the stitching certainly looked elven. Was it dalish maybe?  
  
“Where did you get those?”  
“Does it matter?” she responded. “You don’t have to sit here half naked all the time. Here, let me help you”  
  
She moved closer and kneeled next to him in attend to help him get dressed, but this he had to do alone.  
He was tired of being coddled over all the time by her. Not because it was her, but because he had tasted some  
of his old strength he was eager to gain back in full.  
  
“No.” he lifted a hand to stop her. “It’s not necessary.”  
  
She raised an eyebrow, but granted him what he wanted and sat back.  
“Ma nuvenin.”  
  
He could feel her eyes on him and it filled him with some sort of shame but it fed his stubbornness the more.  
Lifting his arms to dress himself with the shirt was no problem, but crawling into the pants… Well.  
He felt like a caterpillar. A fat and clumsy caterpillar. Once he was done he had to catch his breath.

He peeked to her, what he had avoided the whole scene. She eyed him with an expression like she tried to hide some amusement.  
  
“Don’t.” he grumbled and warned her not to say anything. _Just don’t._  
  
She didn’t respond to that, but stood again and offered him a hand. He first looked at it, then up to her.  
At first he thought to see a smile, but he was mistaken.  
  
“Come. Let’s walk a bit.”  
  
Teaching a child how to walk would’ve been more natural, though watching a full grown man trying to  
gain back the former strength of his limbs would’ve been a little bit amusing if it weren’t so sad.  
The bruises, the wounds the bear claws tore, the poison and the humiliation had affected and weakened him.  
All of it had been part of his sickness. His body had respond with a fever that had drawn all strength out of his  
muscles so every attend to take a step was more trying than a success.  
  
With her help he managed to stand on his feet, his both hands put on her supporting shoulders and her hands  
rested on his hips. Every step required more effort than he wished and a break to catch his breath was necessary.  
He hated it and he wasn’t sure to what end it would lead with her being at his side every damn moment his  
legs failed him. Standing up again and again was the worst part.  
  
Her gentle voice helped him a little bit when she said. “Come on. Once more. You can do this.”  
  
When he fell back to his knees, she would follow so that he wouldn’t lose his hold on her.  
Panting he drew in the scent of her hair once he dared to rest his head for too long on her shoulders.  
They had come not far. They got several steps away from the shelter and he couldn’t get his legs to push  
him up again. It became harder and harder with each try. His pride crumbled and lay torn apart.  
Being so close to her in this condition melted his firm will. Suddenly all pain and cruelties, all her  
kindness whatever her reasons were, run over him like a wild river.  
  
He began to shiver in his desperation and clenched his jaw, tightening his grip and fighting the burning tears  
which wanted to break free. He lost the fight. He knew she wasn’t the right person to seek comfort from.  
Mythal forgive him, for it wasn’t right, but he lost the control over himself. Abelas arms slowly moved to  
embrace her waist as he kneeled there with her.  
  
Maybe she was dazzled at some point, but he felt her hands move from his hips and some moments after she  
wrapped her arms around him. His silent tears sunk into her fabrics as he breathed with trembling lungs,  
trying to maintain the last bit of self-control he got left.  


She could imagine it couldn’t have been easy for him and she knew he struggled in his skin as his patience subsided  
with each passing week. But now how he rested in her arms weeping for his cracked pride, she saw how much  
all of it must’ve hurt him deeply. She heard his trembling breaths and felt his tears dripping down upon her neckline  
and running down her collarbone. When he put his arms around her waist Aurian stiffed at first, not moving,  
shocked by his sudden need of … Someone.  
  
To witness him falter like this. He, as one of the probably last elvhen, struggled with himself.  
He seemed broken. Like an eagle which lost the ability to fly and left only with its dying pride.  
Her mouth formed a thin line and she felt awful for him and for judging him earlier.  
Her arms raised and wrapped around his figure like she had always done when one of her former companions  
needed a hug. She just held him and didn’t say a word.  
  
Aurian knelt with him on the forest ground and waited for him to make the first attend to  
movie out of their embrace. Moments passed until he finally felt like clearing his throat.  
  
“Ma serannas.” He said faintly.  
She still could hear in his voice how he still was trying to gain some control over himself and his mood,  
but she couldn’t blame him. Not for this.  
  
Abelas raised his head again, not daring to lock their eyes. She looked at him with almost a smile  
and just nodded. “I think it’s enough for today.”  
  
Though the weather had other plans.  
Once she spoke the words, the first few drops of rain fell on their heads and both had the same look on their faces.  
Wide eyed they spat out elven curses as a heavy downpour started and soaked them in  
seconds even through the branches of the forest.  
  
As fast as they could they dragged their bodies – actually Aurian dragged them both – back to the shelter  
where they sat down next to the fire. It was still burning and had a welcoming aura, though Aurian hadn’t  
had the time yet to gather more fire wood.  
  
It was a pity, she just had found some clothes for Abelas, but they were now sopping like her own.  
The campfire wasn’t big enough to dry them out and she suspected the coming night to be very cold as well.  
It worried her. Still they both had to get out of the wet clothes and put them near the warming flames.  
  
Once she managed to get them both out of the sticking fabrics she covered herself with a blanket.  
  
Now and then his eyes wandered to her lips while she helped him get rid of the wet clothes.  
It wasn’t right, it wasn’t _his_ right. And he didn’t want to peek when she undressed herself.  
Still he could not deny the rising urge in his heart to be close to her once more. The way she had  
comforted him gently still remained in his mind. Was it possible that her sickened self still was strong  
enough to give solace to him? If so he did not dare to expect more, even though he wished it’d be possible.  
But her heart belonged to another. The one who she was eager to find and who took her smile away.  
  
Frowning he took his long braid over his shoulder and pressed the water out, before wrapping himself in his blanket.  
Everything seemed a little bit colder now …  



	5. Deal

It had taken them two more weeks to get Abelas back to the state where he could walk on his own again. He couldn’t run yet, but at least he didn’t have to be afraid anymore to fall in the brook while cleaning. He had to be patient, he was aware of it, though it wasn’t easy feeling her waiting eyes on him. When the leaves began to fall and the wind got chilly, he did everything he could to keep himself warm by keeping his muscles busy or like in this moment, by meditating and breathing techniques.

The nights were becoming colder and he couldn’t allow himself to lie down at her side. Her shear vicinity stirred a dangerous idea - a desire - in him he hadn’t felt in centuries. Even if he knew she would not be interested, he couldn’t stop thinking about it. The way she treated his scars with care, how she startled him when he thought she wasn’t looking but in the end did too … How she supported him with soft words and gentle hands, though empty eyes … 

_Her eyes…_

Could she even be saved?  
He perceived her inner self as a cracked lake bed, trying to hide the last drops from a harsh sandstorm. He wished he’d be able to drink from it, maybe if he dug deep enough. There had to be a way for him to reach her in some way. 

Abelas inhaled deeply feeding the flame in his abdomen with energy to expel this foolish idea. 

She’d never turn to him only by wishful thinking anyway. She was too fixed on her quest, too far away to even see him at the shore. If he only knew of her intentions, he’d have some certainty what’s next to come at least and then he could decide what to do. Was she expecting him to help her because she saw some kind of connection between him and her former love? After all, she knew of his origin. Abelas exhaled trying to calm his mind again, when he heard steps coming closer to the camp. He didn’t have to open his eyes to know it was her. Who else could’ve been there? 

“I tried to track the Venatory back to where they might’ve caught you.” She informed him and dropped a leather bag near the campfire. “But sadly the rain washed away their traces.” 

He didn’t respond, inhaled deeply and tried hard not to remember that shameful day. After a while she continued. “Did you kill the bear?” 

“Yes.” He exhaled again, but rather forced this time. “Did the Venatory take its remains too?” 

“Most likely.” Abelas inhaled. “Then I might be able to find your armor.” 

The ancient elf swallowed hard and coughed, blinking at her in disbelief. It took him a while to calm his trachea but at least it brought him the time to think. Tracking down a sold armor was difficult, but not if it was sold along with the fur and claws of a great bear. Those beasts were not easy to kill and their remains were rare items. Therefor it was conspicuous enough to find out where his belongings might have been sold.

Abelas cleared his throat and read the waiting expression in her face. She was clever and clearly she expected something from him in return.

“What do you want in return?” he asked. He knew

She didn’t answer him at first, as if she sorted out the words carefully.  
“You remember _him_ , don’t you?” she asked in return and looked at him with longing eyes. He skipped a breath.  
“You _knew_ him or at least who or what he is. The bald elf at my side, who said your time of service was over?”

In this moment Aurians calm eyes became wild and cold, an unexpected change that startled him and he nodded.  
“I remember him.”  
“When you left the temple you were going somewhere. To find your people?”  
He stared at her desperate face, her pleading eyes set on him like an archers aim and he frowned.  
“What are you asking?” he growled.  
“Take me to your people! “ She demanded. “Wherever that place is, there has to be a way for me to get to him. I know it!”

His eyes became firm after she made this request. He always knew she had other intentions than just to save his life, but still now that it was obvious it felt like a sharp knife in his back. She didn’t even seem to be ashamed to set him under pressure like this. “You don’t know what you’re asking.” He got tense, rose from his place and walked out of the den.  
She followed him and her voice became an angry tone.  
“ _No!_ Not this again!” she grabbed his arm to hold him back and forced him to face her.  
“You _owe_ me, Abelas!”

He grimaced as her eyes dug into his.  
She was right. He did owe her, but what truly hit him was that she actually was using his guilt against him. How foolish of him to think she’d be different from those shadows who wandered the lands nowadays. “You wouldn’t even be welcomed.” He explained to her and shook his head. “My people would probably chase you away if you’re lucky.”

“Take me with you!” she said more expressive. “ Or you won’t see your armor ever again!”  
Her gaze was intense and cruel like the ocean could be in a storm and her words burned deeper into him than the _shemlen_ glowing iron could’ve done.  
To hear those words from the woman who he thought he could trust hurled him back to earth and felt like a hit in the face. Maybe even worse.

He glared grim back at her. He knew she wouldn’t let go of it until she got what she wanted, but still he was in her dept. That’s when he turned his mind to the whispers of the wells vortex to which he was bound. He reached out to the wisdom of the many, who had once served Mythal as he did, to look for a solution for this mess. 

_Take her to the west._ The well answered him when he freed himself from her grip and eyed her angrily.

Of course!  
Abelas knew what waited in the west, hidden and left by his people so long ago. He had been there before the venatory had found him.  
He tried to exile the spite in his words when he gave her the answer she wanted to hear, but still he was more hostile than complaisantly.  
  
“Very well!” he growled unwilling. “There is an Eluvian hidden in the west. I’ll bring you to it after I got my belongings back.”  
“Deal.” Was her only response before she walked past him and disappeared on her way near the brook.

He looked at her back and watched her leaving with racing heart and raising disappointment.  
No, she couldn’t be saved. Maybe if he had met her a few years earlier, but now all she could see was her pain and her struggle alone.  
She’d walk her paths and stop at nothing.

 

Lavellan felt a hint of guilt crawling down her spine, when she recalled her harsh words to Abelas. She didn’t want to show him how cold she could be, but as he had started to walk off and left her on the spot like a misunderstanding child, she couldn’t bear this behavior. He acted like he understood the situation she was in. Maybe he did even see with his old and experienced eyes what happened to her.  
Maybe he even understood it more than she did. But she hadn’t cared in this moment.

Aurian had the feeling she got closer to her love than she had ever been in the past five years and she would rather die than let this opportunity slip her grasp. For all she knew she actually felt like dying without him. She couldn’t explain what had happened to her and why she had lost the sight of her values she held so high once. She saw no meaning in things she loved to do when she had fought side by side with her friends. Back then she used to jump around and mock her opponents, making them blind with rage to confuse them, before striking. She didn’t even know anymore why she had done it like this. Now she’d just kill them quick and without mercy.

She stood on a rock to scout the area, to feel the winds direction and to listen to the forests noises before looking back at her still tired companion. Abelas had recovered enough so they could set up their camp and move away, but he used a wooden staff to support his uneasy steps. She waited until he was standing next to her to catch his breath.

“Do you remember this tile?” she asked him and pointed out to the glen a few hundred yards in front of them. Some old and withered house ruins were framing it. They just had passed the venatory camp where she had freed him some days ago and now Aurian was trying to trace back their traveling route with Abelas help. He held fast to the staff in his hands and his eyes wandered through the tall trees. The last time he had been here the tree crowns had been still green. Now the leaves were colored red and golden and were covering the forest ground.  
This bright sight might have touched a younger version of them, but now after all what happened still lay heavy on both of them like a thin icecap.

He nodded.  
“Yes. I came past here a little less than 9 weeks ago.”  
“Any idea where you might’ve killed the bear?” she asked then, her eyes still on him.

Abelas narrowed his head and began to think for some moments. Then he sighed and slightly shook his head. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to find his armor. It was rather the imagination of what might’ve happened to his belongings after they got sold. It happened two month ago when those bastard shemlen walked off with his goods and came back with a huge amount of gold. The shear memory of it ran a shiver of fury down his spine and his stare became dark.

Aurian rose her brow what made her look more tired than he felt.  
“Don’t worry. You’ll get it back.” She promised in a bitter tone and hopped down the boulder they were standing on. He followed her example, but as his feet hit the ground beneath his legs disagreed with their order to hold him upright and the tall elf tipped backwards against the stone. The expression of his, with wide golden eyes as he threatened to fall was backing the dull day away for her.

“Careful, old man.” She teased and got a well-earned glare of his. “I won’t carry you again.”  
He stiffened himself, supporting himself with the staff.  
“Oh, I’m well aware of it.” He snapped back and went past her towards the ruins with a slight limp.

She tiled her head.  
The interactions with him had been friendlier before he had agreed to help her. Of course she knew why and she couldn’t blame him. After all she hadn’t waited one second to blackmail him when she got the feeling she had to, but this had happened many days ago. Aurian had thought he’d let go of it once some time had passed. Had she disappointed his expectations of her?

She wasn’t stupid and she noticed she looks he gave her now and then. It felt like being examined. Every time she sat by the fire at night, she felt his eyes on her. She could feel them in her back, crawling up and down like a snake under her skin. Those were looks she didn’t want to have at all, so she tried to ignore them as good as possible. Keeping the distance between them the red-haired woman followed him to the remains of an old house. The roof was gone, though the walls were still standing and small blue flowers were blooming in their shadows.

She stood there a while and looked at them. She knew those from her past.  
When she was a child she used to roll around in them with her little sister. She had wanted to smell like them.

“We should stay here this night.” He said.  
“Hm.” She didn’t look up at him.

The way she was staring at the flowers was just like any other, when he caught her sinking into her thoughts. Even if he was still thinking a lot about how she had fared with him, he could not stop feeling certain sympathies about her.

She seemed serene at some point, almost. Did she remember happier times, while looking at the plant? He watched her some moments, before he made the suggestion to stay here for the night. In fact he was rather weary of walking and his body still seemed to need more rest than usual and she seemed not much fresher.  
After all, she did not sleep.

He couldn’t help it, but it worried him. To see her like this was as difficult as thinking about the agreement they were in. Abelas pride was the only thing that held him from talking to her about her sickness and the consequences she was heading in to. He knew it wouldn’t be wise to inform her of what truly lay in the west, but the part of him which actually wanted to help her grew slow but steady. Wasn’t there anything he could do to make it easier for her?

Then, suddenly, the voices of the well spoke to him. It was just a single whisper, but it was as clear as daylight. _  
Make her smile._

The ancient elf blinked in disbelief. What? How? What could he possibly do to make her smile? And why? Though the image of her younger self evolved out of confusion sand a question formed in his mind. What if he actually was able to do it? What if he could give her the thing she was seeking to get back?  
Hope flickered in his heart like a firefly, but it was enough to make him wanting to try at least.


	6. Autumn

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some Lavellan/Solas in the middle

The ruin walls sheltered them from the frosty wind of the night and the campfires smoke flew straight up into the air, without being blown into ones face. Abelas leaned at the masonry tugged in a blanket which hung over his shoulders and watched Aurian carving small symbols into her bow. It was full of them, though she always seemed to find some space for more. Thin lines formed a delicate weaves of branches running down and around the wood, just like the symbols of Mythal. It looked like she cut vallaslin into her weapon. Every night she kept herself busy, sometimes she was so recessed that she wouldn’t even hear him speaking to her.  
  
He saw her lids fall shut from time to time and sometimes her body would shiver. Then she’d shake her head in a slight manner and huff, rubbing with trembling hands her eyes. He found it hard to watch her like this after a long while and closed his weary eyes, not being able to say or do anything that might help her.

Suddenly Aurian hissed and dropped the knife in her lab, holding up her cut open hand. He looked at her again. Blood was dripping to the ground next to her and she cursed, looking for something in her bag to press on the gab.  
  
She must’ve slipped with her blade, Abelas thought and sighed silently before he stretched a hand out to her. “Let me see.”

Aurian suspiciously eyed him for a moment, before showing her left palm to him. Bright green light lit their faces, the surroundings around them and lightened up the deep cut which slit the fold between her thumb and forefinger. Abelas diffident took her hand in his, taking a look at her injury. He never had examined the mark of power in her hand up close and first just stared at it, before covering it with his other hand.  
  
Their eyes locked for a moment, then he narrowed his gaze and the air began to crackle, when blue energy manifested around their wrists and tingled on their skin. Aurian stared in fascination at the lights, as the symphony of green and blue orbs danced and eased the throbbing the wound had caused. As the lights died, Abelas drew breath again. This act somehow had diminished his strength and he lifted his hand again to peek how it had worked. Her hand had stopped bleeding, but a red scar remained. He touched her inner palm, gently stroking the edges of the cut with his fingertips and looked into her perplexed face.

She just glanced at him at few times when she firmly withdrew her hand out of his tender grip. She still could feel the magic crawling up and down her fingers.  
  
“I didn’t know you’re a healer.” She stated.

“I am not.” He explained and leaned back against the wall again, still keeping the sensation of holding her hand in mind. “Every sentinel knows how to deal with little bruises like this, though.”

“So you couldn’t have healed yourself, I take it?”  
He slightly shook his head.  
“I could’ve tried, but my body was too damaged and I would’ve fallen unconscious while attempting, especially in my former condition.”  
  
Silence rose between them and lingered for some time, wrapping itself around them like seaweed around some floating branches. Abelas thought about the past nights and how she had affected him in the shortest time possible. The shadow of the Elgar’Din was still playing a part in it, but he knew he had to do something to break the ice. At least he had to say something.  
  
“I know the cause of your suffering.” He began and earned a look he could not place. Was it anger? Was she annoyed? He could not say.

“ … And I know how difficult and trying it must’ve been for you to care for … another. Even if it was a burden.”  
  
She avoided to look at him and rather stared in the flames of the campfire. Her distance was something he’d rather decrease at this moment and it hit him like the slap of a wildcat, still he managed to speak the words he was trying to get pass his lips. “I _am_ grateful.”

Aurian just looked at him with empty eyes and he could see that she didn’t care about his thoughts. He could even hear in her voice how less it mattered to her and it chilled his heart.  
  
“You’re welcome.”

Aurian had listened to his words and had seen his hurt when she had answered him. She wished she’d be even able to say that she was sorry, but she wasn’t. This was just the way she felt about it.  
She had rescued him from the venatory and had hurled him back to life just to have a chance to face the Dreadwolf once again. Still, from time to time, she glimpsed at Abelas, while he was sleeping quietly next to her. The way how he had held her hand and how he looked at her didn’t seem to be fair, when she recalled how she felt when Solas had stopped caring for her. She knew she had to keep the distance between them. Maybe she should even try to make him defy her, whatever his feelings were. She couldn’t use his pity or something what might hurt him and make things more complicated.

She brooded over it almost an hour, when her eyes fell shut without her having a chance to fight it. She hadn’t slept in days and now her body was taking the rest it needed, so darkness shrouded her mind and lured her into the fade.

 

\--------------

Aurian found herself in her bed.  
Dark blue silk was enfolding her skin and the scent of fresh mountain air was tingling in her nose and lifted up her spirit. She tilted her head from side to side, to examine every corner of her quarters.  
  
“Sleep well?”

The soft voice next to her drew her intention to it and the next thing she saw was a pair of blue eyes looking gently back at her. Gently stroking the skin of her shoulder Solas smiled, as she rolled on her side to face him. Her eyes flickered over his face, then placing a hand on his cheek to press a passionate kiss on his lips. He sighed in surprise, but returned the gesture ever so eagerly and pulled her closer to him, almost dragging her onto his torso.

It felt the same, like nothing had changed, like nothing had happened. His lips tasted like she remembered and the warmth of his skin was still a sign of home. Here she belonged. Save and tugged in his arms. She only parted with his lips to look at him, if it was truly him. Her heart ached like it had been pierced with hot needles and she held his face in both trembling hands, tracing his jawline with her fingers.

“You look troubled.” He said in great concern and placed a kiss on her nose. “Did you have a nightmare?”

She swallowed her pain and longing, tenderly caressing his features.  
“I am still dreaming.” She whispered with tears, still looking deeply into his eyes. It took much of her strength to add more words.  
“ … And when I wake up, you’ll be gone.”

Solas’ smiles backed away for a sorrowful gaze, as he wrapped his arms around her waist and held her close, kissing her forehead.  
“Vhenan.” He spoke calmly, his voice echoing in her mind. “I could never leave you.”

When he took her face into his palms and smiled at her with such confidence and love, she almost felt her heart beating in agony, for she knew it couldn’t be real.

“You know, whatever happens, “ he began anew and wiped a rolling tear from her cheek with his thumb. “I will always be right here.”

 

Aurian awoke with widened eyes, as the pain got too sharp for her to bear and she still felt tears dripping down her face. She panted and rapidly rose from her spot, looking around in confusion. Almost she called out for Solas, but the two seconds after waking up in which one can’t distinguish a dream from waking passed too fast and she burrowed her face in her hands.

She had drifted away again.  
The woman could still taste his lips on hers and feel his warm skin but the cruel reality would take this from her soon. She needed some moments to regain her sanity and to calm her burning heart. Every time after she would wake from such dreams she tried to gather her thoughts and to remember what she could and had to do next. It was important to hold on things in the now to survive those mean, false visions of him.

She looked around, maybe she found something to distract her mind from … Then she realized, small blue flowers had started to bloom overnight and grown around her, those ones in which she used to play in with her sister. She was versed enough in herbalism to know that this plant didn’t grow like a mushroom circle. Oddly enough, these did. When she rose, still looking at them, she saw they formed the shape of a four-spiked star and she was standing right in the center.

She turned around in confusion, to look if something else had changed. Indeed it had. She stood alone in the camp.

Abelas was gone.

\------------------

She already had fallen asleep in exhaustion when Abelas had opened his eyes again. She fire had died hours ago, only little embers had glow in the hollow ground, but he had seen the horizon turning green like malachite before the incoming sunrise. He had been still tired, but his mind hadn't let him just turn around and fall asleep again. In this light the sight of her silhouette had been too strong, too bright for him to just ignore. Her long, red strands of hair had lay like many rivers in the leaves and were framing her face like a sun of fire-like blood. The next moment he had scolded himself in mind for even thinking about such things and seeing her through those old eyes. They were the thoughts of a naive, love drunk fool. He had learned very soon in his life that those foolish dreams would serve no one.  
Maybe it was just some kind of fascination, a flash in the sky.

Abelas had frowned after a while, trying to escape and refuse this growing passion and had gotten to his feet. Now he had seen, read in her posture, she hadn't lay down. Knowing she must've fainted, had moved him hurtfully and the inner wall he had wanted to built had been crumbling again. He had inhaled deeply before slowly circling half around her figure. With one elegant gesture of his hand he had held in a relaxed way above her, the air around them had begun to tingle and softly crackle. He hadn't stayed to watch the slowly blooming flowers which had opened their shining petals and had set her the middle of a little night sky. He had needed a walk.

The fresh autumn air in his lungs, the tall old trees and the idyll of the morning sky lifted his mood and more importantly, his strength. After many minutes he still couldn't feel any pain in his body. His skin around his many wounds was still tense, but didn't strain his concentration anymore and his crutch suddenly became useless to him. There, between herbs, leaves and morning dew he heedlessly dropped the staff in the bushes and quickened his walk until he was running.

He didn't want to escape, he wanted to test his body, know his limits. He still wondered if his body had been damaged too much this time to climb or fight like he used to. Abelas needed to know and was running in parkour between the rocks and hills, roots and fallen trees. His lungs burned, his heart was racing and the adrenaline run through his veins, until he felt like spreading the wings which had lay still for too long. Every step was fore planed, every grip of his hands seeking hold, while he climbed, almost flying up a little plateau. On top he stopped. Still panting, the wind howling in his ears and the hot tension in his limbs, he took a great glimpse of a valley below the cliff he was standing on. And in the middle of this valley lay a small town by a lake.

\----------------

Panic rose in her heart while her thoughts were running in circles. Hadn't she fall asleep Abelas wouldn't have had the opportunity to flee. Of course, why should he hold to the word he gave her, when he could just go and look for his armor himself. She didn't thought about it. He gave her his word to take her with him. By Mythal, they had a _deal!_ She'd never thought he would just trick her, use her and defy the god he had served for thousand years! Aurians eyes burned with anger, while she searched for traces Abelas could've left around the camp. The dew marked the spots were someone had stepped on the ground dark and made it easy for her to read and follow. 

He must've walked out of the camp, she could see, just like taking a stroll in the morning. She followed the tracks and after a while they got wild, but fresher. She chased them, passing the staff she recognized as his and as the ground became rocky, she started to look for marks in the moss growing on the boulders. Indeed they were damaged, he must've climbed them with great speed, but she wouldn't let him outrun her. She'd catch up with him and ... Yes, what then? She couldn't just drag him back, could she? Aurian wondered if she actually had gained his trust before. She doubt it, especially after she had been too honest with him. But she didn't think he flew from her either. If he did, then why would he leave his staff behind so that she could discover it? She knew he wouldn't be careless and went forth after him.

The cold air, the grey sky and the dying leaves which were hurled from the crowns by the strong wind turned the forest into a place of despair, she'd hoped to leave soon. Her pounding heart, the feeling of her blood rushing through her veins was just disturbing. A burden because it was a sign to her she was still alive, still alone, without having accomplished anything in her self chosen exile. For now all she could do was to endure and hold to her goal. No matter what it would cost, she'd find him and tell him everything she had done to stand before him. 

When she made her way through bushes, boulders and hills, suddenly a tall shadow fell on her from above and she raised her head to the sky again. There Abelas stood on the top of a cliff, his back turned to her, and scouted the area in the distance. Aurians mind came at ease as she just watched him for a while and then decided to join him. Did he just wait for her to follow? Briefly he turned his eyes to her, while she pulled her weight up the stone and stood next to him. Her eyes widened slightly as she realized, he could've found the place where his belongings might have been sold. Together they stood and watched the small town from afar, while the wind turned and suddenly smashed into her back and swept her off her feet. The abyss below only one step away she rowed in the air with her arms, trying to gain back her balance, as strong hands grabbed her by the sash and prevented her from falling. She slipped and fell on her butt, while Abelas wrapped an arm around her waist and tried to tear her further away from the edge, on his knees as well. This was close, almost too close.

They exchanged a startled look and let this moment pass for a moment, neither of them wasted the slightest thought about bringing distance between them again. They just stared at the end of the cliff, catching their breath, as she let out a chirruping sound of surprise. Then she padded him on the arm, like petting a dog.

"Good boy ... "

 


	7. Thief

As the sun sunk, the sky and everything it touched in its last hours turned fiery red, though the little lake town wasn’t quiet weary yet. Aurian and Abelas had decided to wait until eve in concern the townsfolk were hostile towards wandering strangers, but it was quite the opposite. The natives were mostly humans; still they didn’t mind them or him and his vallaslin. The few elves which were living here alongside the strangely carefree shemlen helped hanging little colorful flags and lanterns at the roofs here and there. Flares and fire-bowls lightened the roadside and the lake shore where the people set up pavilions, tables and barrels. Everyone seemed to be excited for the night and had a joyful smile in his face.

The former dalish and the ancient one observed them in silent surprise from a distance, while slowly wandering the way and keeping an eye out for the potential merchant who’d buy stolen goods without knowing.

“What are they celebrating?” Abelas asked slightly tilting to her and watched a young boy accidently dropping his hammer onto his father’s head, while standing on a ladder. The high elf looked away. He just didn’t see that.

“I’m not sure.” She answered and suspiciously eying the conspicuous symbol on the many flags she just recognized. It was the eye of the inquisition. Aurian couldn’t say if they brought in a new feast day after she left the order and she didn’t recall inventing one when she still was in command. Curiosity rose inside her, but she wasn’t sure if she should talk to the people here. The least she wanted was to be identified as the herald again.

“Happy Heralds Eve!”

A mature woman greeted them casually with a nice smile on her lips. Both elves looked at her back in bewildered manner and Abelas raised an eyebrow. Seeing those Shemlen that happy made him a little tense. The last time he had heard their glee had been because of his pain and he frowned at their faces rather not making eye contact.

“ _Heralds Eve._ ” He repeated a little spiteful and shook his head. “Shemlen and their little customs … ”  
“At least they still have them.” She hissed and glared at him. “Come. Let’s find someone to talk to, Grumpy.”

He wanted to reply, but the last word stuck in his ears and prevented him from grasping another comment. Or it was her when she turned to him again and added: “And if the humans are beneath you, then you should leave the talking to me.”

He felt the burning blood in his cheeks and drew some breath to answer. She cut him off facing him again, but a little bit closer to his nose this time. “Just maybe.”  
Abelas quietly growled and followed her while returning every friendly smile with a mistrusting blink in his eye. The way to the tavern wasn’t that far still it couldn’t have been near enough for him. He felt some shemlen women give him strange looks while they entered and a certain shiver run down his spine, like he knew what they were thinking. The interior of this _humble_ building was like he had expected and the _host_ Aurian was about to address looked like Abelas felt – and both seemed eager to be elsewhere.

“Ho, there!” the fat sweaty man greeted them while lifting a heavy barrel and banged it loudly on the bar. “Hope ‘ya elves’re fast. I’ve gotta hurry to get them boys out there some ale!”

Abelas slightly tilted his head. He understood the half of this babbling and a look at Aurian told him, she was as baffled as he.  
  
“I was hoping I could get some information, good ser.” She started and waited for some response.  
The guy squinted his pig eyes like he checked her face and the waist it sat on and a greasy grin followed. If she was disgusted she hid it well behind a neutral expression. Abelas still pierced him with his golden eyes. The man’s thoughts were his own, but they were loud and the ancient elf was as ready to teach him a lesson as this guy wasn’t worth the effort. _But she was._

“Depends.” The man replied. “What’ya wanna kno’, pretty-doll?”

“First of all, call me that again and I’ll gut you.” She said without changing her serene voice or the look she gave him. “Second, we were tracking down some thieves who might have sold their stolen goods here about eight to nine weeks ago, a strange armor and the pelt of a great bear.”

The man blinked in confusion and needed some time to over-think what she just said. His smirk disappeared as he caught the glare of her companion and he cleared his throat.  
“Well.” He found his voice again. “Dunno ‘bout the armor, prett- my lady elf.”  
Abelas raised an eyebrow. The man peeked to him who still was staring like a wolf choosing its prey and one could see his confusion turn into fright. Even his vocabulary seemed to get more understandable. “B-but I remember our supplier Forral got a pelt of them big bears. Was braggin’ ‘bout it for weeks, he was, that greedy little bastard.”  
“Where can we find this Forral?”  
“He gotta shop facing the lake on the other side of the shore from here.” He answered more hostile this time. “Would you lot just leave? Now?”

The elves exchanged a somewhat promising look and she smiled at the man, slipping some coin onto the table before leaving the tavern. “You have my thanks, good ser.”  
Outside they dared to breathe through their noses again. The stench this guy was wielding like a club was like breathing in the insides of a dragon-ass. Maybe both even knew how this would smell.  
  
The way alongside the shore was the last spot the sun touched with its rays and Abelas noticed thin white strands running down Aurians blind red hair while he followed her. The warm light seemed to turn her head into a fiery vision, like flames dancing in the wind and touching his heart. He felt certain warmth growing inside him and he forced himself to turn his gaze somewhere else, once the burning grew too big to focus. He knew this already had gone out of hand, the moment he lay in her arms and he wasn’t eager to make it worse for both of them, but …

What in Mythals name could he possibly do to help her anyhow? She had already made clear that his words had no meaning to her. All she cared about was to reach her goal, though some of her agenda had changed or turned into something else than apathy. Abelas had to consider carefully how to approach her, but first things first.

Both of them stood in front of a wooden hood with big rune carved stones as door frames. The door was low, about 6 feet above the ground and curses, spoken by a smoky voice came from within.

“ … bloody, thieving, halla-humping nomads and their _stupid ways_ of preserving their _culture._ Next time I see one of those damn, doodle-faces I’ll add my initials into their asses!”

Abelas’ ears twitched.

In the next moment the wooden door swung open. A dwarf man, supported by a self-made crutch stood in front of them and glared in surprise at his sudden guests. He wasn’t old, but one could see old scars carved into his cheek and chin. Grey strands shined in his garnet-colored, short hair and the many lines across his stubbed face told some kind of stories. His honey eyes shined like the single golden ring in his right ear and he stared first at Aurian. Then he turned his gaze to Abelas.

“ _Aw, Come On!_ ” He barked loudly at the ground as If the stone were responsible for the whole situation and kicked it, before the elves had his attention again. “How much did you hear?”

“Enough to greet you in common tongue. I promise.” Aurian responded and hissing elven curses came from behind. She narrowed her eyes and curls her lips.

“Nice try, missy.” The dwarf grunted grim and shook his head. “I suppose you’re not here by accident. What do you want then?”

Aurian tilted her head and tried to smile at him. Something about his demeanor was telling her he wasn’t of the biting sort. “Forral I take it?”

“Alright, what did I do?”

“According to the tavern host you’ve found a bear pelt on the road weeks ago. “

Forral groaned annoyed.  
“Was the ale-snout blabbering again?” He limped outside, closing the door behind him. “I have, why? Don’t tell me you knew it and want revenge.”

“Enough with this, durgen’Len.” Abelas voice cut through the somewhat joyful conversation. “Did you get the pelt from a shemlen? A venatory?”

“Easy there!” He raised a hand in placatory. He seemed more peace keeping than threatened. “I bought it from a strange fella in a red, torn dress. If that’s what you mean with … What did you just call me?”

Abelas growled and stepped forward, facing the dwarf. His heart pumped with excitement in his eagerness to get his belongings back. A sentinels armor wasn’t just a piece of metal like to those who saw only it’s material value. When he had been chosen to become a sentinel, he had been told and told again that this artifact would be a part of those who carry it. It was and had been a part of him for so long and being closer to gain it back lightened a fire in him.

“I’m not interested in banter.” The elf started again impatiently. “Did he offer you something else?”

The dwarf frowned at him for a time like he calculated.  
“Wait. This isn’t about the pelt!”

Without looking Aurian nudged her companion in the ribs before he could say another word and used the opportunity to speak. “I apologize. Something was stolen and we’re trying to get it back.” Her skillful tender voice reached out to him as she spoke. “I don’t want to accuse your sense of business, but we were just checking if you accidentally bought stolen goods. It wouldn’t be healthy for exchange I'm afraid.”

The dwarf blinked at her and chuckled shortly after.  
“So, you’re just kind of the concerned ones, eh?” He mocked, but signed them to follow him back inside. “Let’s talk back there. There are some ears I’d rather cut off than having them listen to my affairs, but I can’t. _Townsfolk_ … “

Aurian gave Abelas a slight winning smile and accompanied Forral.  
Inside he waited until Abelas stepped in the house and slammed the door shut behind him. She liked the dwarf and his charismatic voice. She even noticed aspects in him she thought to be attractive. His arms were strong and his figure looked like he was able to fight, not at the moment though.  
“What happened to your leg?” She asked.

“Got stuck in a hole and broke it.” He growled while making his way to a chest he sat down and resting his leg on. “So, about the goods you’re after. What is it you’re truly looking for? This dirt-face offered a lot of stuff.”  


“An ancient armor. Elven.” Abelas answered, more controlled this time. “It belongs to me.”

“ _Ancient?!_ Ancestors!” Forral cursed out angrily and hit the wood beneath him. “I _knew_ it! This little brat! I knew she was hiding something!”  
  
“You have it!?” His hawk-like eyes seemed to pierce the dwarf.  
“I had it.”

“ _Had?_ ”

“Hah! I’m sorry to disappoint, but you just missed it.”  
The supplier stood and lifted the chest lid to grab a flask of brandy and uncorked it in a hurry as if he needed to drown something heavy to handle. He drank a few sips and added: “It was stolen from me too.”

“Who took it then? Tell me!”  
  
Aurian had watched this a little bit too long. She saw how upsetting it was and somehow she could even relate to him at the moment. Being parted from something or someone precious and suffering for it was something she didn’t want to be reminded of. She gently touched Abelas to calm him down.  


As he felt the tender pressure of his arm his breathing stopped for a second. Abelas just looked at her as she spoke. “Do you know the thief?”  
  
“I’ll tell you, but only in condition.” Forral waited until he saw full consent in their eyes. They looked at each other. “Agreed.” Abelas said finally.

“It was an elven girl, brown hair, short pony tail and silver eyes. “ The dwarf added. “I know where she went and If you’re taking me with you I’ll lead you to her. I have to pluck a chicken with her.”

“Is her name Hanva?” The name had come to Aurians mind as soon as Forrals description had passed her ears.

“You know her?” Abelas asked in surprise.  
“Yes. I do.” Aurian narrowed her eyes. Back then when she had sent the frightened girl on her way she had known she’d make it, but she had never thought she would do something like stealing from a dwarf merchant.


	8. Arrogance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aurian takes some time off at the feast

Abelas tried to remember anything what had happened shortly after he was caught by the slavers. It wasn’t easy for him to tell what he had missed. The Dwarf’s description nor the name did ring a bell, so he kept looking at Aurian.  
“She was a slave to the venatory too.” Aurian started telling him and expected to see some kind of empathy within him.  
“When I was on my way back here, I found her wandering in the woods.” Forral told them, put on a broad leather belt with five loops on each side and armed it with throwing knives. “Looked lost, that kid. So I took her in.”  
Though the condition of his leg affected him he was still able to move around without help, to gather some supplies and small flasks from the shelves. He peeked at them from time to time, while he told them the story, like if they were long known friends. Abelas slightly frowned and Aurian didn’t seem to give much attention to his words. If Forral knew the elves had no interest in the whole thing – he seemed to - he didn’t care.  
“I let her stay afterwards, everything was fine …” Forral continued and buckled a leather belt around his hips. “… until I showed her the armor. We … had an argument. A few days later she stole my keys and ran off with all your stuff.”  
The way the durgen’len pointed with his finger to Abelas had something devaluating and he just stared at him. The dwarfs words had been filling the room, but had avoided Abelas’ ears. Instead he had watched and analyzed Forrals every movement. The broad hands seemed to possess nimble fingers, which had surely held one or another weapon before. He even seemed on guard, ready for some confrontations, like he expected them.  
Aurian stared to the floor with empty eyes and burrowed deep in her memories for some information about Hanva. There had to be something worth remembering for. She still recalled how she had acted, how her eyes had glittered in the firelight and how her bare questions had torn on her. The Dalish.  
She slightly raised her head and glared out of the window in the distance of the darkened sky as the little brainwave crossed her mind. Hanva had seemed to be excited about Abelas’ Vallaslin and she had asked Aurian if she were dalish.

“You said you knew where she went.” Her voice was monotone and she turned her gaze to the dwarf without truly looking at him. “Is a dalish clan nearby?”  
The dwarf’s eyebrow twitched impressed and he gave her a slight grin. The chuckle in his throat was deep and charismatic, even a little bit bitter. “Damn right! You’re a good thinker, missy. She ran right into their arms, offering the junk to them so they would take her in!”  
“Clever girl.” Aurian narrowed her eyes. “Surely the clan was thankful for this rare gift.”  
“It still doesn’t belong to them. The sooner they learn the truth the better.” Abelas growled and turned to the child of the stone. “Are you even able to keep up with us, durgen’len?”  
The look on Forrals face was enough for an answer. He growled and limbed back to the chest he had sat on earlier, opened it and pulled out some iron rods and leather strings. With a few skilled handles he built himself a leg brace, by tightly tiding the rods to his broken limb. Once he stood, he looked at them and nodded with a cheeky grin and winked.  
“I’m always prepared, duster!” He said, ready to leave.  
Abelas didn’t want to lose more time than Aurian, but still. Entering the woods in the middle of the night to look for a dalish clan, who’s most likely hostile at the moment, would be more than foolish. He didn’t believe the dwarf would be of any help either and when he looked at Aurian, who needed rest the most, he suggested staying at the village for the night. Forral complained mostly and Aurian not at all. Abelas wasn’t sure if she even cared.

Though they had the opportunity to sleep in a more or less real bed, they decided to stay at the shop He was no bad host. That’s how he acted anyway after he offered them some of his homemade booze. Abelas turned him down, but Aurian took a big gulp.  
It was about past midnight when Forral decided to return to his chamber and left the elves to themselves. Aurian just sat on the window ceiling and watched the lights of the new celebration day. They could hear the music and some drunken, laughing voices as the festivity went on. Echoes of joyful memories flickered in her mind. Back then, years ago she accompanied the parties and wicked-grace-eves. She used to make many jokes about her friends and playfully mocked them, watching the corners of their mouths rising before they burst into laughter. That was the thing she loved the most, but now she couldn’t even say why. It was like she lost the ability to comprehend to the person she used to be. She had forgotten herself.  
Abelas could only watch her standing there with empty eyes like she was far away, even if his heart began pounding at her sight. The way she had handled the innkeeper had surprised him in some way. Not the fact that she had been able to, but rather because it had shown a glimpse to who she once was. A part of her former self still seemed to exist deep within her and once he realized it he saw the opportunity he was waiting for. Abelas slowly rose and cautiously paused, still fighting his uncertainty, before joining her at the window.  
The sudden movement behind her was only a fuzzy, faraway noise and she needed some time to assign where it came from. She could feel how the memories disappeared at this disturbance and she inhaled, trembling like she desperately had tried to keep them. Then, she felt something slightly touching, just gently passing her left elbow and she slowly looked in his face.  
He had meant to rest his hand on her arm, but had pulled away in the very last moment. His heart skipped a beat when her eyes suddenly met his and he rather started talking before getting lost in an awkward moment.  
“I’ve been meaning to ask you something, if you don’t mind.” he began with a careful tone in his voice and he tugged his hands behind his back. So it was easier to resist the urge to touch her.  
“Ask.” she said shortly and turned her gaze out the window again.  
He would let her cold reaction startle him even if he wished she’d focus on him.  
“Your Vallaslin … “  
Her eyes turned darker.  
Lights flashing before her eyes, she had to close them. Tingling her cheeks, a cool and soothing feeling on her skin, as he took them away.

“I know the Dalish clans have the skills, tho they’re doing it out of wrong reasons … “  
She turned to him with anger hidden behind her emotionless façade.  
Then he saw a glimpse of a frown forming on her face, like a river slowly turning wild and unpassable.  
If he didn’t look out he’d be swept away. He could hear the rising fury in her voice, as she interrupted him.  
“Your people did it out of the wrong reasons!” she snapped at him. “Dalish don’t make slaves!”

Abelas closed his mouth. Tho he already formed a response to her angry tone, he held himself back and watched her turning her back on him. A moment later she just shut the short entrance door from the outside and he could see her silhouette fading away in the dark.  
His heart cramped a bit and he let it out in a long sigh, holding his forehead.  
“Well done … “  
\-------------------

Aurian clenched her fists so hard she could feel her knuckles crack. She didn’t want to listen to his words the moment he had started to speak of the markings. The pressure of those cursed memories crawled up in her mind, she tried to suppress for so long now. And he, this lordy, dusty idiot, stirred all of this inside her up again. Her blue markings had been part of her, until he had taken them away.  
The noises of the feast got louder and fuller the farther she went, fled from Abelas and his damn word. The laughter around her, the burning fires, the dancing people. The smells of ale, wine and food… All of those were once things she’d loved to join, but now were just as far away as the horizon. It didn’t affect her. The happiness around her meant nothing.  
There at the borders of the feast, she waited in the shadows. Watching and listening to the music like those poor lonely souls who would stand and watch in their own depressions. Some of them noticed her and she lured some sad, dreamy looks from them over to her. She ignored them and tried to get her mind blanc – washed clean of this tearing hole inside her soul.

Slowly her gaze passed the wine barrels. Maybe the alcohol would take her away a little bit?  
A little voice warned her that her dreams would be worse if she got drunk, but – oh wonder – she didn’t care. So she stepped over, passing the people around her without devoting them. Luckily those fools were too busy with themselves so she didn’t have to do any talk.  
Sadly tho the one at the stand was the innkeeper. He recognized her of course – who’d forget a woman like her? – but seemed not fond of her presence and seemingly let her wait more than anyone. She knew he was still angry with her and stared at him as long as she got what she came for. “Whadd’ya want?” he growled in her direction.  
“Your strongest.”  
Aurian carefully watched him. She didn’t want him to spit into her drink, paid and turned away, only to face a group of young elven men. All three of them were drunk already, she could tell from their smugly grinning faces. Two of them nudged their friend somewhat gently towards her and she sighed. Actually she had no intensions to talk or to interact with any of them.  
“I’d like to introduce myself. My name is-“  
“I don’t care.” her voice as cold as ice.

Aurian cut him short and didn’t stay long enough to see the stupid face he was making, after being turned down flat, while his friends had only laughter for him.  
As soon as she thought herself to be alone in the shadows, she threw the drink into her throat until the burning feeling inside her guts grew stronger than her tense heart.  
She hadn’t eaten anything, except for some bitts, and therefore she got the reward. Her stomach seemed to turn around from the sudden poison she was filling it with.  
Her face turned pale and shortly after she threw up right where she stood.

For a moment she fantasied that the inn keeper had put Deathroot-Extract into her mug and that everything would be over soon.  
_Keep dreaming, girl …_  
One couldn’t die from Deathroot-Extract alone. Sadly.  
Aurian wiped over her lips and panted when it was over, tho her gullet still cursed her for torturing it like this. Still she hadn’t enough.  
As soon as she could she repeated what she just had done, to the point where the strong alcohol stayed where it was and she tumbled into a direction of _Where-she-could-sit-down_. The drink was doing its job … It seemed like the inn keeper knew how to make any customer stupid and narrow-minded.  
She leaned back, resting her head against – what was that she was sitting on again? Felt like wood. Was that water she could hear? It sounded closer than the noises of the feast. Her head was spinning, as she looked around to check where she had gone to. She was not far from Forrals hut. In fact she was sitting near the last landing stage at the lakeside. There she drank and witnessed the effects of her drink sink in.

\---------------------------------

 

Abelas hadn’t been the one who wanted to follow her. His mind was bare from her fiery gaze towards him. He had felt hatred in her and it still hurt him as much as the fact that she hadn’t let him speak. The curse had made her ignorant, arrogant, and he had wanted to let her some space.  
But the voices …  
  
_Go. Now._  
  
She could’ve been anywhere and he didn’t want to ask any of the townsfolk strolling around their precious feast.  
It was a little bit amusing that they didn’t even realize that the exact same person they were celebrating right now was here.  
Somewhere.  Alone. The ancient one gazed past all those unimportant faces and he ignored any of their attends to gain his attention.  
He couldn’t believe that Aurian would be around them. The weeks he had come to know her she didn’t seem like the sociable type.

So he turned his gaze to the lonely standing shades and crawled around at the borders, to see if he could discover the red flood of her hair. Or her tired pair of eyes.  
He wondered if she already found him instead, wandering around in the crowd, and hid from him. He was almost sure that he was not even the one she’d like to see at the moment. In fact, maybe nobody seemed to be the right person.

The laughter and the loud noises the townsfolk made restricted his vision so he turned away from all this fuzz. Abelas shook his head in disbelieve.  
_These crude people and their customs …  
_  
_At least they still have them!_

He recalled her angry tone and for a slight moment he was a little bit ashamed for his thoughts.  
In the same second, when he scouted the shore for her, he found a small sunken shadow sitting near Forrals hut. Maybe he was _lucky_ and he finally found her.  
When he moved closer he could make up a small woman. Her tanned skin was beautifully lit by the torchlights around her and her eyes were closed.  
Was she sleeping? He didn’t give any effort into lightening his steps, so his approach was given away by the wooden planks.  
Slowly she turned her head and he could see her having trouble looking straight.  
  
“G’way…”  
  
She was very drunk.  
He could smell her breath from ten steps away. His brows twitched, but he ignored her hissing. He wasn’t in any mood to have that kind of conversation.  
Not with her and not in this state. At first she seemed not to have noticed him and just wanted to snap, but when she did, she turned silent.  
Aurian looked like his presence startled her, seeing her in this state. Was she ashamed?  
He knew this feeling very well … He remembered how she had seen him, weeks ago.  
  
“It won’t help.” He ended this awful silence between them.  
  
She emptied her mug, staring at him. He watched her und swallowed some more scolding words.   
_Childish_ was the gentlest one.  
  
“Pull yourself together.” He said instead and tried not to sound too rude.  
“Shuddit.”  
  
When she threw her mug his direction – he didn’t have to dodge it and it landed somewhere behind him – he lost his patience with her.  
_This temper!_ Strongly cursing in elven tongue he hurled to her, grapping her and pulling her with strong arms onto her feet.  
  
“You’ll come with me. Now.”  
She was so drunk that she couldn’t stand straight without his help, yet alone walk.  
Still she tried to get rid of him by pushing him away. He wouldn’t let her.  
  
“Nnoo, l’me be.” She babbled and her breath almost made him turn his nose away.  
“Stop it!” he barked at her, still holding her by her upper arms. “You’re being ridiculous!”  
  
He ignored anything more that came from her and suddenly lifted her off her feet onto his arms.  
Aurian was startled at first, but only because the sudden movement swirled her mind.  
She made some drunken noises as if she’s going to puke any moment. _Mythal, please don’t._    
He hurried taking her back to Forrals hut, while she gained a little bit focus back.  
She fought his embrace, in this state it rather looked like she was trying to wipe away spider webs.  
  
“I hate you.” she murmured between other curses and it indeed hit him hard.  
He grinded his teeth and tried to ignore that burning hunch cooking inside his heart.  
At the same time he was surprised she could even feel anything besides her cracked soul.

“I don’t care.” He stated as cold as she.

 


End file.
